Real Housewives of Dallas officially comes to a close tonight, and what a more fitting way than a murder mystery whodunnit to go out with a bang?
Who Killed Brandi?
We start out with Brandi being dead, and that was a fall for the ages. She is really committed to her role. Kary, of course, is trying to cheat. D’Andra is right. Only Tiffany will be able to figure out who the killer is. This is actually kind of funny. Tiffany thinks the killer is D’Andra. And she is right. D’Andra kills a few more people. Then, Kary pushes her into the pool. Because, well, Kary.
Brandi and Kary stayed up all night the previous night getting wasted. They annoy everyone who is trying to sleep. And remember how it was pointed out last week that the bedroom where JR was murdered is strictly off-limits? Yeah? Well, these two morons decide to invade it. The room is enclosed in plexiglass (to keep people out). Of course, Kary breaks it. I don’t know who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea for Southfork to lease to Bravo so that drunken housewives could destroy it. That is exactly what is happening.
The Morning After
Brandi realizes that she has really fucked up by destroying JR’s bedroom. One of the ladies points out that they will be in the news for this. AND they could go to jail! Now that is the finale I am interested in. Brandi and Kary behind bars. Kary and Brandi go outside to call the property manager to admit to their sins. The property manager was very understanding and lovely about the ordeal. Brandi feels terrible. Kary thinks it is funny. Meanwhile, D’Andra talks to Kam about her vintage Louis Vuitton shoes and her vintage Oscar de la Renta belt that Kary ruined when she pushed her in the pool. Tragic. They are both embarrassed that Kary has destroyed property once again where they are guests.
D’Andra, Kam, and Stephanie want to hold Kary accountable for yet another destructive incident at someone else’s property. D’Andra says she is not the best person for the job because, basically, they hate each other. It looks like after they eat breakfast, they have some sort of physical workout on the agenda. That is if everyone survives breakfast. It looks delicious. Tiffany is cranky because Kary and Brandi woke her up all night. Meanwhile, Kary texts her husband and he says he is sick (wink, wink) and won’t be able to join the husbands on their trip to Southfork. Are we supposed to make the connection between her failing marriage and her hideous behavior? Because plenty of people in bad marriages don’t become vandals.
Was Jazzercise Cancelled?
At breakfast, the girls lay into Kary about her despicable behavior all season. I am seeing the salsaV8 juice on the bed scene and getting PTSD. WHO DOES THAT? D’Andra, who claimed she needed to take a backseat on the issue is coming hard for Kary anyway. Tiffany doesn’t understand why Brandi is getting off the hook. I sort of agree. But it is a pattern for Kary, not Brandi. Tiffany also points out that Kary has done many hurtful things. Stephanie suspects that Kary has another issue she is trying to cover up. That issue is that her husband seems to be at odds with her, just like we all are. They will totally be the next divorce by bravo if they haven’t split already.
What happened to the Jazzercize scenes? Or they just didn’t do it because the men have arrived for a dinner where they all dress up as characters from Dallas. Were they even alive when that show was on? I barely remember anyone other than JR. All the girls are sporting blond hair. D’Andra peed in her Spanx, so the glam squad is blowing her crotch dry with a hairdryer. Oh, and Brandi has a red wig on for some reason. Brandi gives Stephanie a pinky ring to celebrate the fact they are BFFs. The girls race armadillos barefoot. Eduardo calls Kary at dinner; he looks like he’s feeling much better. He still doesn’t know she broke down a plexiglass wall. Brandi failed a grade in middle school. Who is shocked? I see no hands.
The End
It seems like the men’s presence makes these women behave much better. The girls are all in a good place with each other at the end. Could a nice reunion actually happen? The only endnote of interest was that “Brandi learned after filming that she was 16 weeks pregnant. DOES ANYONE BELIEVE THAT? How do you go four months, or even two months without a period and not take a test?
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